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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29647965">things you said…</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/rewindmp3/pseuds/pantheras'>pantheras (rewindmp3)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Royalty, M/M, pairing + a number drabble collection except it’s all johnyong lol, rating/warnings/tags updated with each chapter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 21:07:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,085</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29647965</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/rewindmp3/pseuds/pantheras</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>…that i wish you hadn’t</p><p>  <em>“It is you,” Johnny whispers. Taeyong feels his heart stop in his chest. “It has always been you.”</em></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>things you said…</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The night is calm, peaceful. The stars are twinkling happily in a clear sky. The air is filled with a gentle breeze and the faint sounds of cicadas chirping.</p><p>The air is also filled with tense silence, with Taeyong’s despondent resignation and Johnny’s heavy sorrow.</p><p>They sit side by side on the stone wall surrounding the pond in Taeyong’s favorite garden. He built it himself, planned which flower beds should occupy which spaces and picked which trees would offer the best shade during warm summer nights.</p><p>Through it all, there was Johnny. There was Johnny who went with Taeyong to different florists, who lifted rocks and sat with Taeyong in the grass, planting bushes under a beating sun, despite the fact that he was the son of a nobleman and should not be dirtying himself so.</p><p>To most, that’s all that Johnny was: the son of a nobleman, obeying the orders and whims of a prince. To Taeyong, though, Johnny was so much more. Johnny was a best friend lending a helping hand. Johnny was the only good part about war room meetings, combat training sessions, etiquette lessons, about daily life in the palace. Johnny was the one by his side when his parents left for neighboring kingdoms, when his advisors were otherwise preoccupied, when Taeyong thought he was going to be alone, only he never was because there was Johnny. To Taeyong, Johnny was his.</p><p>It has always been like this: in every single memory Taeyong has, Johnny is standing next to him. Or, if not next to him, just a few steps away, within arm’s reach.</p><p>Now, however, they are grown. Now, Johnny has to go.</p><p>“I cannot ask you to stay, but I wish you did not need to leave,” Taeyong confesses quietly, the first words spoken all night.</p><p>There are duties that must be fulfilled: Johnny is the only son of a noble family. With that, he must continue his family line. With that, means marriage, means leaving Taeyong and the palace in which they grew up.</p><p>“You could order me to stay,” Johnny suggests, but they both know that Taeyong cannot. How could he, when his own parents, the King and Queen, have approved the match? Their parents have been friends since before they were born, a friendship rare in its longevity, especially for the fact that, well, they are royalty. It was why Johnny was able to grow up in the palace with Taeyong in the first place. It is why both Taeyong and Johnny are now powerless to stop what is happening.</p><p>Taeyong is a prince. He knows luxuries beyond comprehension, wields power like a second skin, can have almost all of his desires fulfilled with a few words directed at the right people. Almost all, except for the one. He wishes Johnny could stay.</p><p>“Don’t be sad, Johnny,” Taeyong says, repeating his parents’ words. He isn’t sure whether he means them. “This is the start of your future. Chaeyoung is a lovely girl and you will have lovely children together.”</p><p>Taeyong can feel the weight of Johnny’s stare. There is a moment of pause, a breath suspended in midair, a beat of trepidation. Then,</p><p>“But they will never be you.”</p><p>Taeyong jerks his head to look at Johnny, startled. For the first time that night, they meet each other’s eyes. Johnny’s are shining with unshed tears. Taeyong is sure that his are the same.</p><p>Johnny smiles softly, but it is a broken, crooked thing.</p><p>“It is you,” Johnny whispers. Taeyong feels his heart stop in his chest. “It has always been you.”</p><p>“Don’t,” his voice cracks, “don’t say that. Johnny, you can’t-”</p><p>“But it is true.” Johnny takes Taeyong’s trembling hands into his. “In the midst of lessons of swords and arms, of strategy and manipulation, there was you. There was you who taught me that kindness can exist with strength, that forgiveness and mercy are not cowardice. There was you, tongue sharp and tender in equal measure, who taught me what it meant to <em>care</em> about justice and people, who showed me how to use my heart along with my head. How could I not fall in love with you?”</p><p>Make that two. He wishes Johnny could have never spoken those words into existence.</p><p>The truth of the matter is this: how could Taeyong not fall in love with Johnny? Johnny, who made him laugh until his sides ached; Johnny, who snuck sweets from the kitchen when Taeyong was feeling particularly defeated; Johnny, who took Taeyong’s bursts of energy in stride, who looked at him with that indulgent little grin and affection dripping from his eyes instead of judgement; Johnny, the only person who, when Taeyong talked, <em>listened</em>, listened like Taeyong was a human being, rather than a prop or pawn or a means to an end.</p><p>Taeyong could barely bear the thought of Johnny leaving him, thinking that his own feelings were not returned. It would have been okay if only his own heart was going to be broken. Johnny would be sad, Taeyong knew, to leave the comfort of the palace and of Taeyong’s presence—the only things Johnny has known for a long, long time—but at least he would not be heartbroken. Taeyong would not wish the pain on even the kingdom’s worst enemy.</p><p>But now, Taeyong knows that Johnny is heartbroken too, and everything hurts just that much more.</p><p>“I love you, too,” he says as the first tears fall. “Johnny, I love you, too, I love you so much, I-”</p><p>His throat closes up. There are so many words he wishes he could say, he’s choked with them all. None of that matters anymore, anyway.</p><p>Johnny pulls him into a hug, fierce and protective and strong and <em>Johnny</em>. Taeyong grips the back of Johnny’s shirt, holds him back tight enough to bruise, holds him back like it’s the last time they’ll ever have each other like this because it is.</p><p>The night is still calm, peaceful. There is nothing to muffle the sounds of two broken-hearted boys, except for each other. They bury their faces into the other’s shoulder, uncaring of the way their tailors will scold them for the ruined cloth. They have always, <em>always</em> had each other, but, come morning, that will no longer be true.</p><p>They kiss for the first time that night, and the last.</p><p>The next day, Taeyong watches as a horse-drawn carriage takes Johnny away.</p><p>The next day, a piece of Taeyong dies inside.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this drabble also inspired by <a href="https://twitter.com/luciejess/status/1363149297039065090">this tweet</a> c: not super happy with the last lines, but i'm not letting myself think too hard about these so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯</p><p><a href="https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Euyq8AtWgAEdPfz?format=jpg">this</a> is the pairing + number thing that i'm referring to! i make absolutely no promises, but if there’s a number or au/situation you want me to write next, lmk in a comment!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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